I know everyone says it and it is so cliché, but time freakin' flies. How in the world has it been a year and a half since my Chiari surgery? How in the world has it been over two months since I last blogged? How in the world has it been almost six months since I moved into my house? How in the world is it already the end of August? How in the world does school start in two weeks? How in the world is it that the Phillies stink so bad? How in the world is it that I am still not Hunter Pence's girlfriend?
Okay, the last one is understandable, we are on separate coasts and different time zones.
If you can't sense from my tone, life is a little, okay a lot, better than it was since my last post. Anyone that has talked to me in the last two months has heard me say, "It is amazing what Lexapro and a roommate can do!"
It is so sad to me that people are afraid to admit to needing some kind of help. As the truths of Robin Williams' death come out, it just hits me so hard. As someone who vocalizes all my fears, emotions, feelings, and ALWAYS wears my heart on my sleeve, I can not imagine feeling THAT alone. I know it is an illness, I know he was sick. But, in the same breath, I know how great it feels to vent, to realize you are not alone. Any time I mention taking Lexapro, most people respond with, "oh yeah my mom is on it", "oh yeah my friend takes that", "oh yeah I am on it", "oh yeah my dog takes it"...
I believe one of my biggest flaws is my constant need to be open and honest. Some would say that sometimes, I communicate my feelings too much, all emotions included. However, I thank God every day that I have the confidence to be open about how I am feeling in any context.
I joke all the time that I am the happiest, nicest, and funniest person I know, and I believe it to be true. That being said, it doesn't mean I don't have a bad day, week, or month. As I wrote about last post, I was in a weird place in my life and not feeling myself. I HATED it. I didn't like being by myself, felt like my friends were far away, worried about my sister, and thought I met the one that got away. But, don't they say you need rainy days to appreciate the sunny ones? Or something like that... I never really was good with phrases.
Life is good right now. I have a roommate. I have had so much fun at my MANY weddings. I have loved going to my bachelorette parties. I have met new baby cousins. I have enjoyed my beach days with friends and family. I have hung out with some old friends. I have met many new ones. I have spent nights out doing new things. My cousins are coming in from Michigan and Florida. Steelers are starting, Penguins soon. My birthday is coming up. Pumpkin beer is on the shelves...
Adding to that list, the ocean has been beyond perfect this summer. Clear, warm, dare I say Caribbean like? The ocean is one of my favorite places in the world. It is a rare beach day that I don't go in. As a kid my cousins and I used to play "Seal or Dolphin", where we would go over the wave if we yelled "seal" and under if we yell "dolphin". As almost 27, it is still one of my favorite games.
Except, now, with Chiari, I find that I often trigger a headache when I am being a seal. The pressure of the water can sometimes knock my neck at a certain angle that affects my Chiari. I know the instant it happens. Twice this summer it has happened hard enough that I have been down for the count for a day or two. You would think I would learn the lesson, stop being a seal, always go for dolphin. Easier said than done. I have come to terms with the fact that I won't be riding roller coasters anymore (which is something I like to do), but no way will I give up my seal-life in the ocean. Suck it Chiari.
Speaking of Chiari, I also want to comment on the ALS ice bucket challenge. For a few weeks I thought I was going to sneak by without being nominated. Don't get me wrong, I am all for donating and am in positive disbelief at how beneficial this viral act has gone. It is truly amazing.
Two days ago my friend nominated me. I panicked. A bucket of water falling onto my head. It sounds painful. As someone that has Chiari, as someone that has issues with anything that "whiplashes" my neck, I don't feel I can participate for fear of triggering a headache. I know, I know, sounds wimpy, but I honestly don't think I want to risk it. I would love to donate to ALS, that is not my point. My point is, Chiari still affects my life. Three years ago I would have been the first to think this challenge was hysterical and would be so fun. Now, I am scared to hurt myself. What am I, 90?
To this day I would say with 100% certainty that my surgery was the best thing that ever happened to me. It has given me my life back and the ability to worry about things that a normal 26-year-old should. It has given me the chance to appreciate all the emotions that I feel now that I couldn't feel behind the headaches and nerve pain. Yes, I still have rare pain with a passing headache, slight tingling, and occasionally word mix-up, but like I have always said, "everyone has their shit".
Just because I think it is a perfect wrap up for this post, I am going to end it with a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote that I recently found and feel is so me...
Be Silly. Be Honest. Be Kind.
