I have no intention of making this a long post, but if you’ve read my blogs in the past, you know I sometimes can’t help myself.
Today is my 10 year Brainaversary. 10. Ten. TEN. How? It truly is unbelievable to me.
I can still feel the pit in my stomach from the day I heard I needed the surgery. I can still feel the fear of having to leave my class and my coworkers I had come to love. I can still feel the love and support I had the short few weeks leading up to the surgery from all the texts, calls, and surprises from friends, family and strangers. I can still hear the talks about the surgery and what the recovery would be like a bajillion times with my mom and dad.
I can remember so vividly the morning of, getting poked and prodded... starving, explaining what I understood of the surgery to each and every doctor, nurse, and surgeon that came in. I can remember giggling with my mama and daddy about finding a husband while on the table. I can remember pulling my hands away from them, tears in my eyes as they wheeled me to the OR.
I can physically feel the “firey” feeling along my incision, the tingling along my neck, and the pounding behind my eyes. I can remember wanting ice pack after ice pack, none of them cold enough to ease that “firey” pain. I can remember the first time I lifted my head, moving that bowling ball for just a quick second felt like the only activity I could do for days.
I remember the texts, the visitors, the gifts, all the rest, the cozy blankets, the loose shirts, the pig tails, the sponge baths, the long binging hours of Homeland. I remember my “outings”, sitting on the porch, short car trips, and my parents packing up my childhood home to move.
I remember the medications, the pain, the endless ice packs and the gross glue and scabs my mama picked from the scar.
I truly feel like I could write a million more vivid details that I remember from those long weeks ten years ago. TEN.
and yet... the surgery also feels like a lifetime ago. My mama and daddy as my caretakers, living in my childhood home, accepting job offers for maternity leave after maternity leave, constantly “joking” I’d never find my husband.
I know ten years is a long time. But my life has been turned upside down in ten years. I found a job I love, made friends who are family, I met my husband, lost my mom, traveled a lot, got engaged, my dad got sick, bought our forever home, we got married at the best wedding ever, we lost my dad, I found out I was pregnant, the pandemic hit, we had Brooksy, and just 13 months later we had Bruin. There were some other good and not so good events during the last 10 years, but those are the biggies.
I am so thankful for my surgery 10 years ago. Without it, I am certain I would not be living the life I live today. I would not have been able to physically endure any of those major life events, good or bad.
I had started this blog 10 years ago to be sure there was at least one resource out there that put a positive spin on Chiari Malformation and decompression surgery. I am completely, whole-heartedly positive that I am able to live my life the way I want because of my successful surgery.
As usual, no idea how to end this... I was going to say “Amy Had a Headache”, but actually, I had a headache last Wednesday that kept me home from school.
So sometimes, yes, I still have symptoms. But I almost, sort of, welcome them when they come as it is a clear reminder how I used to suffer daily. Thankfully, the severity is rarely debilitating and I am able to power through.
I guess I’ll just end it with a “Amy Had a Headache (and still does sometimes but that’s okay because, perspective). 💛
