I mean, really, every day I smile. It is one of the best things about me ... if I may say so myself. I am a happy person with a positive outlook on life. I love the simple things in life.
If you have read this before, you know I love my family, my friends, my faith, my job. I love giraffes, airplanes, Pittsburgh sports, warm weather and sunshine. I love pickles, TV shows, Hunter Pence and Rickie Fowler, the beach, the color yellow, country music. I love going to the driving range, having a catch, and dare I say, going for a run?! I love grilled cheese and Daddy Soup. I LOVE surprises, wearing underwear and a T-shirt, flowers or thoughtful gifts that are unexpected. I'm easy to please...
I just saw that ABC News is doing a special on a boy that goes to Saint Joe's and has Chiari. He has had two surgeries, the first not being as successful as mine. He is determined to get himself back on the baseball field. Jamie Apody tells me it is an inspirational story. My favorite kind!
I am literally sitting here, waiting to watch the story, like a kid getting ready to open Christmas presents. I am so excited. A positive twist on Chiari is right up my alley. OH MY GOSH AND GUESS WHAT? The boy that the story is about, just friend requested me on Facebook! Life is so cool.
I am excited that there is awareness being spread in a positive way! I have said it once, twice and will a million more times but my experience was the best it ever could have been. I loved my doctor, I loved the hospital, I loved the cool glass sliding doors to my room, I loved my nurses, I loved the food at the hospital, I loved the hospital visitors I had, I loved the texts, gifts, flowers, balloons, and cool, unique gifts I got! I loved that my doctor did not shave too much of my hair. I loved that he pretended he was going to listen to my "funny story" before the anesthesia kicked in. I loved my baby hairs as they grew back. I loved my ice packs. I loved getting hooked on Sons of Anarchy, Homeland and Shameless. I loved having milkshakes for breakfast and chocolate covered strawberries for lunch. I loved all the cards I got in the mail and I loved the people that reached out, people I never would have expected. Did I mention that I love surprises?!
Last week, I had a HORRIBLE Chiari headache. I woke up feeling it in my neck, but took some Advil and went to work. I had a field trip to go see the Jungle Book at the Arden Theater, noway was I going to miss it. I knew my little friends were going to love it! I did okay, but by the time I took the bus there, accounted for all 24 kiddos fifty times, shh'd my friend that was calling out to all the actors, reassured the whiny, hungry ones they would survive the last half hour, that it was only one episode of their favorite show, got them back on the noisy bus, and home to their parents...I was literally dying. It was the worst pain that I ever remembered. But, then, I did remember. This is what I felt like every day.
I got to my other school around 1:00. I tried to eat, maybe that was what was causing the headache. Chugged two bottles of water, maybe that was what was causing the headache. Nope. I sat in the chair by the computer, my co-worker BFF put a divider up between me and the classroom, and I rested with my eyes shut and an ice pack from the nurse. I was nauseous. I was dizzy. I couldn't keep my eyes open. I drove home, slowly. I walked, well crawled, up my steps, got an ice pack, laid on the couch at 4:15. I woke up at 6:30. I took an Advil PM and a regular Advil. I was asleep by 7:15 and slept until morning.
That is exactly how I was living pre-surgery. I forgot. I forgot how much Chiari really hurts. I forgot how much Chiari impacts daily life. I forgot how Chiari affected which activities and events that I attend. I forgot how much Chiari affected my excitement for things. I forgot how much Chiari pain spread across my body. I really, truly, honestly forgot how much Chiari sucks.
I believe God gives me these headaches to remind me ... Chairi Malformation Brain Decompression Surgery was single-handedly the best decision I have made for myself to date. I have joked before, I wasn't really given the "choice" to have the surgery, but I made the choice to be positive. I made the choice to be hopeful. I made the choice to be faithful. I made the choice to rely on my support systems. I made the choice to make this the best experience it could be. And, it was. Is it wrong of me to say, it was oddly a favorite time of my life?
Everyone has their shit. My go-to motto of life. Other than my Let go, Let God and Life is Good. Everyone. Every single person is dealing with some kind of, well for lack of a better word ... shit. I had brain surgery, my sister is an addict, my mom had breast cancer, my brother has made dumb decisions and getting himself out of trouble, my dad has what he calls "baby cancers" cut out of his skin. All shit.
Some friends have parents that are dying. Some friends have siblings that are questioning their sexuality. Some friends have kids even though they weren't sure they were ready. Some friends are in debt, still not able to move to the next stage of their life because of it. Some friends questioning their relationships with their significant others, others questioning their relationships with God. Some friends got a flat tire on their way to work, some spilled their coffee, and hey, some just have a headache. Again, it is all just shit.
If we are all dealing with something, why can't we all just breath, relax. Deal with it? Continue to do things we love, do things that make us happy. Why do we dwell? Why do we question God and His plan? Why do we always ask the "what ifs"?
What if we all just accept life for what it is? A chance to be the best version of ourselves.
I am trying to practice what I am preaching. About a year ago, when my sister started her recovery once again, and was seemingly taking it very seriously, she told me that she often thought us "normal" people should work the steps. I remember I wrote about my thoughts about it in a previous blog. Now, after having her relapse and enter recovery once again, I thought more about it. She was right. We should all get a chance to face admit we are powerless over many things in life, face our demons whatever they may be, accept the things we can not change, have the courage to change what we can, make amends with those we have hurt, and help others that are going through similar things.
Recently, a friend gave me a book that is used in Families Anonymous. A "Big Book" for us "normal" peeps. Normal? Yeah right! But, really, this book has been a savior the past few days. It has put words to emotions that I have been feeling for months, years! Each passage ends with a "Today I will ..." These have been my favorite. Hence the title, "Today I will Smile". I am so happy to have something to give me strength, hope, and confidence that I will find peace with the things I can not control.
So this blog went from tooting my own horn about how awesome I am and easy to please (...and I don't have a boyfriend why???), to reminiscing about how awesome my surgery and recovery went, to believing that everyone has shit and no one has stinkier shit than the rest, and ended reminding myself that I am in control of my own happiness. Sorry for the rambling mess of words. I have never been organized (you can ask my Mama or coworkers), but I hope my points were made.
If nothing else, the moral of the blog is the same as many others I have written...
Life is SO Good.
