38 hours and counting...

Freaking. Out.

...is an understatement.  As the hours get closer, I am just worried.  I can honestly say I have no idea what I am worried about at this point. 

I was recently talking to my cousin and was telling her how so many things in my life are variables.  My surgery and how long I will be in the hospital, my recovery time, my sister, my parents moving, my relationships, when I will go back to work, etc.  There is no real constant.  Beyond that, I have NO control over any part of it.  NONE.  I can't control the fact that I need surgery.  I can't control the fact that it is pretty standard that after brain surgery I will be out for awhile.  I can't control that part of my skull will be missing.  I can't control that part of my head will be shaved.  I can't control that I will have a huge scar.  I can't control that I have to stay in the hospital.  Beyond surgery, I can't control my sisters actions or decisions.  I can't control the fact that my parents have sold the house and the new house is being built.  I can't control that some of my closest friends and family can't be here with my physically.  I can't control the way people feel.

However, I have been trying to remain positive, as you all know.  I am trying to think of the things I can control during my journey.  I can control my attitude.  I can control the way I preceive information given to me. I can accept the support and positive thoughts that have been sent my way.  I can speak up when I am feeling uncomfortable.  I can choose to answer the phone when my sister calls.  I can look forward to moving to the new house.  I can continue to make people smile as much as I always do.  I can also choose what books I want to read, what TV shows I want to watch, and what exercise I can handle during the recovery. 

I am a lucky girl.  I am lucky that I have Chiari.  I don't have cancer.  I don't have a disease that will kill me.  I don't have to stay in the hospital for a long period of time.  I don't have to have a live-in nurse.  I don't have to have chemo.  I have Chiari.  I am having surgery to correct it.  I will feel better than I honestly can ever remember.  I am lucky. 

That being said, I do believe it is only common for me to sit here and worry.  I think if I sat here and typed that I was totally confident and everything is great and I am just having the time of my life right now, you would all know I was lying.  I am anxious.  I am worried.  I am scared. 

But, I am also brave.  I am optimistic.  I am strong.  I have faith in myself and in God that I will come out of this surgery better, healthier, and happier.  I will be an even better version of myself, which in my opinion, is going to be tough to beat.  I am already pretty awesome...if I may say so myself! ;)

I can't promise tomorrow's post will be as composed and heartfelt as this one.  I can already feel my heart pounding and my eyes getting teary-eyed.  I know though, that no matter what I am feeling, saying, or doing, I can't control this surgery.  I am putting my faith in my surgeon and in God's hands.  I have full trust in both of them, and know that they will take care of me.  Thank you for the continued prayers...

AH 3 MORE SLEEPS...

When my siblings and cousins were younger, we used to count down to exciting things by how many more "sleeps" we had.  So today, I woke up and counted that I have three more sleeps until my surgery morning.  However, sleep is a very oppurtune word right now.  I can usually fall asleep, but then I am up for a good two to three hour span.  I have become a fan of watching a repeat of Chelsea Lately followed by an hour of Yes, Dear on Nick at Nite.  It is like a nice little middle of the night ritual I've got going on. 

I admit, a good amount of that sleepless time is spent wondering about the surgery.  Thinking about what it will be like, how I will feel, and as silly as it is, what am I going to look like.  This week I have been talking about the gross catheter, the breathing tube that will be down my throat when I am in surgery, and the hospital gown.  Everyone says the catheter will be no big deal because I won't even feel it.  The breathing tube down my throat will be out before I wake up.  And the hospital gown, I just don't ever understand, the opening goes in the front or the back?! 

It's funny when you go through things like this (which I hope I never have to do it again) but you really find out who your friends are.  It sounds so cliche.  I hate cliches.  I have had so many people reach out to me, offering to take me to lunch, dinner, sending me cards, flowers, gifts, making phone calls just to check on how I am feeling (I also hate the phone!), and I have received billions of texts and facebook messages.  These sweet things are coming from people who I never EVER would expect it from.  For that, I thank each and every one of you that has reached out.  It means more than you could ever imagine.

Two of my favorite stories that have come from this experience so far include my uncles misunderstanding from the other night (see previous post) and the texts I received from Mommom and my aunt the day I found out my surgery date. 

I had sent a group message to everyone to say that the date was Feb. 28.  Mommom was in Florida and my aunt and uncle were supposed to be in Costa Rica.  Both had told me they were nervous they wouldn't be here for the surgery.  After the group message, they were the first two to respond. 

Mommom with, "Oh hun, that makes me so happy.  That works perfectly for me!" - because yes Mommom, this day is all about you.  We also keep joking that we think Mommom thinks she is holding the knife during the surgery the way that she talks about HAVING to be there. 

My aunts reply was, "Perfect! We fly in that morning, so happy I'll be here!"  -again, all about you ;) 

All jokes aside, I know those two will be the first two at the hospital whether I am feeling up to visitors or not.  They will make me laugh and will do anything they can to make me feel comfortable and feel like myself.  For that, I am truly grateful.  Love you both <3

I'm getting ready now to head out to lunch with a high school friend and then go bridesmaid dress shopping with her.  I am really looking forward to spending the afternoon out and about, despite this lingering headache.  

My next three days revolve strictly around food.  I keep claiming I am going to use the next three days to do things I won't be able to do and I just want to keep busy.  So therefore, I am going to lunch today.  I have lunch plans tomorrow, and lunch and dinner plans on Wednesday.  Apparently, I have a fear of not being able to go out to eat after surgery.  If you know me at all, this shouldn't surprise you.  I do LOVE food.  

I also LOVE Hunter Pence and just wanted to throw that out there once more.  Someone tweeted a picture of him last night with his big goofy smile, however in a black SF Giants uniform.  He looks better in red, just saying.  I miss him. 

My sister is moving out of rehab the day after my surgery into a sober living home.  I am proud of her for coming this far.  I still worry about her daily and truly hope this time she will turn her life around for the better.  I miss my sister a lot. 

A bonus to recovering for 8-10 weeks (hopefully!) during the end of the winter, is when I finally feel like myself again, it will be SO close to Memorial Day!  If that's not motivation to get my butt in gear and exercise (walk) during recovery, I don't know what is. 

My mind is racing today, if you can't tell by the hodge podge of information I've thrown into this post.  I apologize.  I have a feeling the next three days will be the same way...here is your warning!

5 day countdown...

Well tonight is my last crazy night out with friends. I am heading to AC with my college friends for a night do drinking and dancing. I have to admit, I am pretty excited.

My dinner with cousins last night was fun. We ate, talked and played with one of my favorite little boys. My uncle provided the humor for the night.

Quick story:

We were getting ready to sit down for dinner and he was pouring everyone a glass of wine. He didn't pour me one and said "You can't have wine right?" I replied, "I think I can, but that's okay I don't really want any tonight." He looked at me very perplexed, but we all took our seats and bowed our heads to say our dinner prayer. My uncle led the prayer as usual, thanking God for our food, love and health. After we said "Amen" he said, "Shoot, I forgot to thank God for having Amy be here with us tonight after a successful surgery." We all just looked at him. My aunt said, "Uh Hun, Amy didn't have the surgery yet..."

Needless to say my uncle thought this was magic brain surgery. One day in, one day out and moving without skipping a beat. He didn't think I could have wine because I was on painkillers. However, I am going to take it as a compliment that he thought I was so strong that I came out of brain surgery and was ready to be myself 100%!!! Thanks uncle <3

Today I went to lunch with my brother and Mama and then tried to shop a bit. After about two hours I was really hurting and decided to come home and nap. After a 2 hour nap, I am feeling up to getting ready for the night.

Cheers to my last night out for awhile!

Happy-ish Things

I have not written in the past few days.  To be honest, I have been an emotional wreck.  I am crying.  A LOT...and I thought that those tears would go against my "woo hoo I am positive forever" theme I was going for.  But hey, this is my blog and I'll cry if I want to.  (You know, like the song?) 

I cry when I think about the surgery.  I cry when someone brings up the surgery.  I cry when I want to talk about the surgery.  I cry when I don't want to talk about the surgery. 

I cry when I get a nice card in the mail.  I cry when I get gifts from friends or family, or today from my students.  I cry when I am watching Long Island Medium.  I cry when I drop my phone.  I cry when I shower.  I cry when I can't get my straightner on the first time I press the button.  I cry when I am laying in bed and the remote falls to the floor.

I. Cry. Over. Everything. 
I keep joking I am like the ultimate hormonal pregnant woman that isn't getting a fun baby to play with afterwards. 

Today, I knew there would be tears.  It was my last day with my kiddos before the surgery.  Boy, oh boy did they spoil me.  I got three bouquets of flowers, an iTunes gift card, a book of Bible verses, magazines, a REALLY soft blanket, a nice pair of PJ's, giraffe bookmarks, two big stuffed animal bears and a stuffed giraffe, lots of candy, gum and mints, soft lotions, nail polishes, hair clips, dry shampoo, a pair of socks...and I truly think I am forgetting things.  These parents really out did themselves.  I also recieved a Dunkin Donuts gift card from another grade level, which was such a wonderful surprise.  I couldn't have asked for more support and well wishes from my school family.  I owe you all a very sincere thank you! :)

My week didn't really go as planned, however it kind of worked out.  I had really bad headaches this week with serious tingly lips and face weakness.  I truly believe these symptoms are God's way of  answering me when I am constantly asking if I am doing the right thing.  This is His way of telling me "Hell yeah girl, you are so making the right choice with this surgery!"  I just want to say, "God, you gave me no choice (and did you just say hell?)" 

I now have a six day countdown.  AH!  This weekend (plus Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday) I am going to dinner at my cousins, shopping for a few cards and gifts (I have to be prepared through May, just in case!), shopping for a few new off the shoulder sweatshirts and shirts that will lay comfortably around my scar, going to AC with college friends, visiting a few old friends, going to lunch with my aunts (they just don't know it yet), maybe taking a NYC trip, heading to LBI for a day, and will be making up ANYTHING else to keep me busy! 

I know I keep saying it, but I am so amazed by the number of people that have contacted me with positive thoughts and words.  I am so lucky to have, in my opinion, the best support system.  Thank you to each and every one of you that are, have been and will be here for me throughout this experience.  <3

Ahh! New iPad!

Tonight will be a quick post and I blame my mama and dad 100%!!!!  They just bought me a new iPad as a pre-surgery gift.   In no way was I expecting any kind of gift from them.   I mean come on, they'll already have to be waiting on me hand a foot for a few weeks! 

Honestly, I think my mom wanted to get it so that it would keep me occupied most of the time. I think she is afraid I will talk her ear off...which is probably accurate.  As I keep mentioning, what else am I going to do???

Needless to say I have been playing on this thing since they gave it to me at dinner.  It was such a wonderful surprise. I didn't even know I wanted an iPad until I opened it. I just have to say I have the greatest parents in the world and I truly can not find the words to thank you both enough for this gift.  I love you both. 

Also, while I am on here... I went to get new glasses today (I seem to have misplaced my other two pair...I blame my oversized brain). They told me my two new pair will be ready in 7-10 days.  

Instantly my mind and mouth went to "uh....I'll be in the hospital for 3-6 days in the next 7-10 days so is it okay if I come way after they come in, like to get them adjusted and all, I mean I just don't know how long I'll be out for, but like I will need them to see the tv and stuff.....??" 

Luckily Mama was there. She thinks logically. She will just pick them up and bring them to the hospital for me.  I can take them back to get adjusted if necessary once I am feeling better.  Duh. 

I also realized that tomorrow I will need to fill my gas tank.  The next time I will need to do that....part of my skull will be gone. Long gone. Weird. 


Yay!!! Now time to go play more with my iPad!!! 

What If... :)

Today I became so inspired to once again bring my positivity to this blog. 

Between my blog writing last night and my productive day today, I have read a bajillion articles, comments, blogs, and facebook posts about Chiari. 

I read about: complications people had post surgery, excruciating pain people had immediately after, the ongoing symptoms that didn't disappear, new symptoms that did appear, the negative doctors who had attitude, the lack of support from hospital staff, not being able to sleep comfortably, having to get second and third surgeries, and about how having surgery was one big mistake. 

Needless to say, my mind was suddenly swamped with "what ifs" and I began to panic!  What if I have internal bleeding?  What if I still have a headache?  What if my scar hurts?  What if I still have to walk the Woody Shuffle?  What if I can't sleep on my favorite giraffe pillow?  What if I can't go back to work?  What if my doctor just puts on a good show and really he is going to be mean?  What if that cute doctor I am hopeful for, never shows? 

Anyway, after dwelling on these "what ifs" throughout the night and still part of this morning...I changed my mind.  I decided, instead of continuing to read the negativity and continuing to ask all these darn "what ifs", I am going to do the complete opposite. 

This blog is now devoted to the positive things that come from my Chiari.  Now that is not to say that occasionally I may post about a fear or something that is bothering me, but with all that I can, I will make this a happy place. 

I hope to be able to post about how awesome my doctor was. I want to talk about my cool scar that rarely hurts.  I want to talk about how I am going out to lunch with friends because I feel good.  I want to talk about how awesome all of my friends and family were during my recovery.  I want to talk about all the great TV shows and movies I saw and books I read.  I want to write about all the exciting ideas I have for when I go back to school. 

Now, all this positivity may be a "moo point" (you know a cow's opinion ... moo - shout out to Joey Tribbiani) if something does go wrong, but for the time being... I refuse to think that way.  We will just play it by ear/year (I never know the right word here, and it is an ongoing joke in our family as to why I continue to try to use these phrases when I never remember how.) 

So now ... here are my new "what if" questions for tonight. 

What if my doctor only shaves a little part of my hair and it grows really fast?  What if I love the nurses that are helping me?  What if I don't feel nauseous after the surgery?  What if I can brush my hair just fine?  What if my giraffe pillow is my favorite during recovery?  What if I find a great new series on TV?  What if I get back to work sooner than I ever expected?  What if that cute doctor comes in and thinks my Baby Spice pigtails are cute? 

What if my decompression surgery is the best thing that ever happens to me...

Weekend Fun

Being a teacher definitely has its perks!  Friday was a half day inservice and IT WAS BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE!  I went to lunch with friends, sat outside and talked and then spent the night out with friends.  It was a great Friday night.  I felt good and really felt like myself. 

Saturday, I didn't.  I was tired (yes, honestly, probably because I was up until the wee hours of the morning).  But, my whole upper, right side of my body was in serious pain.  That wasn't very fun.   

Today, there was an appraiser coming through the house so we had to be up and out early.  We got to go to a nice (okay, just a diner but still nice) family breakfast and then Mom and I went to IKEA for a little.  IKEA is one of my favorite stores however, the way I felt walking through it today you would never know.  I tried not to complain too much, but I would occasionally mention to mom, "I just don't feel like myself."  

I have been a bit worried about catching a cold.  The hospital told me that there is no way they will do surgery even if I have a common cold, so I am now in a "holy crap stay away from germs" mode.  Which is the opposite of my norm.  Not that I am out licking shopping carts, but I do spend each day with six year olds and not to jinx myself, but I haven't caught much from them.  I like to think of myself as a healthy person, you know, minus these headaches and all.  I just took a nap and woke up feeling much better and think that the "cold symptoms" were all in my head. ;)

We are off school again tomorrow for President's Day.  I have plans to go see a movie with a friend.  Tuesday, I have plans to go have dinner with a friend.  Thursday, I have plans to go to dinner with old coworkers.  Friday is my last day of school before the surgery.  This week is going to fly.  I can already feel it.  Good news is that I get to see lots of friends and it will give me very little time to dwell and worry.  Bad news is, I am going to go broke!

This morning I was in the shower, doing my normal routine and when I washed my hair I started to feel the back of my head where my scar will be.  I touch that part of my head about 30 times in the two minutes it takes me to wash my hair.  HOW THE HECK AM I GOING TO WASH MY HAIR?! 

When I was 12, I had surgery on my foot for tarsal coalition (extra cartlidge).  It was minor and I have had full relief.  However, I do have a scar on my ankle.  Many shoes that I try on have a strap that brushes against the scar.  Just typing it, I get a funny feeling in my stomach.  I hate when things or people touch my scar.  This scar I am talking about is no more than an inch and a half long.  How am I going to handle a scar that is six inches long and on my head!? AH!

Anyway, I know I will figure it out, but I feel like I should be allowed to have one freak out a day..and maybe as we get closer to the surgery two or three a day ;)  Sorry in advance!

Tingly Lips

I'm struggling to get started tonight.  I have a headache and my lips are tingling.  It sounds silly, but the sensation in my lips makes it feel like pins are actually sticking out of a different spot every few minutes.  It is so irritating.  So it probably is a good thing I don't have a valentine to kiss tonight.  I don't know if I would enjoy it much.

I was lucky enough to have 21 valentines today.  My students took care of me.  I got giraffe (I love giraffes) stuffed animals and figurines.  I got gift cards to Dunkin and Target.  I got more candy than I will ever eat (I am not much of a sweets eater) and got my FAVORITE ... chocolate covered strawberries.  Lots of them.  I know that is a sweet, but they are my weakness.  Seeing all the smiling faces and getting all the tight-squeezed hugs just reminded me how lucky I am to have such a great job. 

As for it being Valentine's Day, I ate dinner with my parents and brother, laid around and watched TV and had to cancel my tutoring due to my headache and tingly lips.  Again, probably just another sign I am not supposed to have a (boy) valentine this year.  I am okay with it. 


As I am typing tonight I am getting anxious.  This week was a great distraction with the pre-op stuff being on Monday and my student's Sweetheart Breakfast being today.  Now that it is all behind me, I am sitting here thinking about the surgery.  Many parents and coworkers and administrators brought up the surgery today.  Tonight I am sitting back and reflecting on all that they said.  Everyone has positive thoughts and supportive words.  But I am sitting here tonight and starting to realize 2 weeks from today, I will be sitting in the Neuro ICU or recovery room (depending on beds is what I am told).  I will be missing part of my skull.  I will have my head partially shaved.  I won't have a headache. 

I am scared.  Out of my mind.  The things I am scared of have changed so many times since the day I found out how immediate my surgery needed to be.   At first, I was scared of telling work.  Then, I was scared of telling the parents and then the students.  Then, I was scared of my recovery time and what the heck I am going to do during that time (that fear is reoccuring).  Last weekend, I was scared of pre-op things.  Today, I am scared of the actual surgery.  Tomorrow...who knows. 

I know I will be okay.  I know I will be healthier than ever.  I know the hospital and doctors will make sure I am in the least amount of pain possible.  I know all of this.  But somedays...I just need to be scared. 

I had no idea this post would turn into a serious one, or that I would express all of the things I am feeling.  I want this to be an outlet where I can express myself, and I guess this post is a perfect example of that.

To my mom, to my best of friends, and to my select few cousins, I share every thought and feeling I have.  However, I am THE worst at confrontation.  Ask anyone.  I hate ordering at restaruants, making phone calls to parents or doctor offices, or asking questions I don't know the answer to...let alone telling ANYONE that I am unhappy or bothered by something.  It is a flaw I have and I know it.  Now, I know this blog is not confrontation.  I can't even see who is reading it.  But, I do feel like I can use it as a chance to relieve my mom, cousins, and best friends from my constant thoughts and fears. 

There are very few constants in my life these days.  Knowing I can come on here and pretty much type whatever my big heart and literally oversized brain wants is a breath of fresh air for me.  It's hard to explain, but I guess what I am trying to say it THANK GOODNESS FOR THE INTERNET...or I would be stuck with a basic "Dear Diary" entry daily.  :)

Needless to say I was typing quickly tonight and was pretty distracted.  So I apologize now for the typos and exceeding the amount of commas that should be allowed in one post.  Tomorrow is Friday, so hopefully my biggest concern tomorrow is what my weekend plans are!

Lent? I'll give up 40 days of headaches!

After I ate my turkey and cheese sandwich for lunch, I was reminded it is in fact Ash Wednesday.  You'd think I would remember since my fancy wine dinner last night was themed Fat Tuesday.  Side note, it was really fun! 

Anyway since I am supposed to give up something for forty days, I am thinking I might just push lent back a little and give up my headaches starting Feb. 28...or brushing my hair (I am super panicky about how a brush is going to feel on my scar!) I think Jesus would understand this year. 

Tomorrow my first graders are putting on a Sweetheart Breakfast for Valentine's Day.  Preparing for this was a headache in itself, however now I can not wait to see them put on the production!  We were setting up for the breakfast at the end of the day and I had to leave quickly due to a massive headache.  It had come on so suddenly that I was on the verge of tears and was worried about driving home.  I made it, don't worry. 

My new favorite joke (and if you know me, you are already tired of hearing about it I know!) is referring to my neck and shoulder pain as "Woody Arm".  I know, sounds dirty.  It's not.  I'm referring to Toy Story 2 when Woody's arm becomes unstitched and he has to drag it along.  I feel like I am dragging my arm every time I walk.  A new walk, the Woody Shuffle. 

Due to my headache, serious need of a shower, and Modern Family being on tonight, I better get a move on.  Have a great Valentine's Day!

Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed is a good word for how I am feeling today. 

Overwhelmed by the positive thoughts that were sent my way after reading this blog.  Overwhelmed by the old friends that have contacted me.  Overwhelmed by the people I have never met that are offering their support.  Overwhelmed by my fellow Chiari friends that are reaching out to answer any questions I have.  Overwhelmed by this horrible headache that came on while I am trying to get ready to go out for a five-course meal matched with wine pairings (sounds fancy huh?  As of three months ago, I didn't even really like wine.  Now, I just pretend so that I can do these fancy things!)  Still overwhelmed by the fact that I had a student in tears today saying "Miss Burns, you only have nine days left!"  It really stinks that it isn't appropriate for teachers to breakdown in tears with the students sometimes.  To fight the tears, I just hugged that boy as tight as I could until he pulled away because I mean, your teacher hugging you like that?  "Miss Burns, that's not cool!"

I guess that is something you should know.  I am a 1st grade teacher in Medford.  I LOVE my job.  I LOVE my students.  I always have stories.  The innocent minds and optimistic attitudes make me look forward to going to work almost every day.  I told my students two weeks ago that I would be leaving them for 6-10 weeks.  I had two students in tears, one in a know-it-all "brain surgery is no big deal" outlook, and about seventeen stories about a time that they, or mom, or grandpa had stitches.  My students are six and seven years old.  They have very little concept of time.  When I say two months, some take it as two minutes and some take it as a year.  After being off for the weekend and being out yesterday for Pre-Op stuff, I was greeted this morning by one of my girls saying "Miss Burns, that wasn't even that long!"  I WISH! 

As sad as I am to leave my students, I LOVE that I have a goal to get back to work.  I plan to keep my students as written and video penpals during my recovery, and I truly believe those little smiling faces are what will get me through it. 

I have to say thank you to my mom, my aunts, my cousins, and my friends that shared this blog yesterday.  I know everyone says it, but I really have THE best friends and family.  It also looks like this surgery will be bringing me some new friends. 

Side note, I love the show Friends.  I quote it often, I apologize now. 

Many people asked so here is what I know about my surgery so far:  My surgery is on Feb. 28.  I am getting the surgery at Capital Health in Hopewell and Dr. Vez (it is a longer name, but I can't even pretend to know it) will be the doctor doing the surgery. 

Yesterday I had my pre-op appointment where I had a EKG, X-Rays, six gallons of blood taken, a physical, and a medical interview done.  Longest. 2 and half hours. EVER.  But, its done.  The nurses were nice and the doctors seemed knowledgable.  What more do you need?  I mean, maybe a cute doctor?  But, regardless, he knows his stuff.  I guess that's most important ;-)

Also, six gallons was an overstatement, but seriously that's the best way to describe how I felt.  Good news is that if anything goes wrong, they have plenty of my blood!

Okay, I have to go prepare for my fun night out! 

A Little Introduction

My name is Amy...and I ALWAYS have a headache.  I was diagnosed with Chiari Malformation Type I at 21.  Now four and a half years later at age 25, I am having the decompression surgery to get rid of my, well as I like to call them, "brain tonsils". 

When trying to explain to friends that my surgery will eliminate my cerebral tonsils, some attempted to comfort me with kind words such as, "I will bring you ice cream!" or "Drink lots of liquids."  I responded with a nice smile, however when I came home to my mom I would say, "DO THEY THINK I HAVE A SORE THROAT?"

I don't have a sore throat.  Actually, knock on wood, I rarely get sick.  However, I ALWAYS have a headache.  I have a horrible headache. I have excruciating pain in my lower neck, right shoulder and all the way down to my hand.  I feel like my face is constantly droopy, when in reality it looks perfectly normal.  I drop things all day long due to the weakness in my hands.  I have a frequent tingling in my right hand and right foot.  I fall...a lot...like a toddler learning to walk.  Also, my lips tingle. As a 25 year old single girl, that is not my most flattering symptom.  My body is tired.  My mind is tired.  I struggle to live day to day as a normal girl my age.  There are days I feel like a 90 year old living in a 25 year old's body. 

Okay, now that I made you feel bad for me, there is something you need to know about me...I always have a headache, but I am also always happy.  If I may say so myself, I am one of the most optimistic people I know.  I HATE negativity.  It annoys me.  Life happens.  My mom has told me since I was just a little girl "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it".  All I have to say to that is AMEN. 

I don't want to give all my life details in one post, but let me just tell you that my life in the last two years has been nothing short of a whirlwind.  Mama was diagnosed with breast cancer about a year ago (she's cancer free now! Yipee!), my sister has been in and out of rehab three times in the last year (she is doing well in Florida now! Yipee again!), my parents just sold the house that we grew up in (we are moving mid-recovery), my grandmother passed away last January (I miss her lots), the Phillies got rid of Jayson Werth and then just a year later, got rid of Hunter Pence mid-season (I also miss him lots) and now I am trying to mentally prepare myself to try to worry about ME for the next few months.  Its just hard when Hunter is in San Fran. ;-)   

Basically I am using this blog as an outlet to vent and brag.  I also want to share my journey with friends, family and fellow Chiarians.  Looking at blogs and reading about others' experience with Chiari has really helped me.  I admit, at first it scared the poop out of me, but as I found more positive blogs, it made me more hopeful and drove me to start this one. 

Okay, its time for Monday night shows.  Another fun fact about me ... I LOVE TV... we will see if I say the same after my 6-10 week recovery!  Goodnight!