Okay, so...for those of you that follow me on Facebook, you know I had a rough time last weekend with severe Chiari symptoms.
I started Saturday morning with a bit of a headache, took some Advil and continued with my day. Mom and I did some car shopping for her. As we waited for the paperwork to come through, I sat very uncomfortably. I had plans that night, so I decided I would go home and shower. However, the shower did not happen (big shocker, I know). I, instead, laid down and took an hour nap and left myself twenty minutes to get ready, showerless. I did feel okay when I woke up. Cautiously popped some more Advil and went on my way. I did laugh my butt off at a comedy show and really had a lot of fun with college friends. Suck that Chiari.
Sunday morning I woke up and I was really struggling. I did get up, popped an extra Advil, did some house stuff and decided to go to Mom and Dad's for lunch. After lunch, ran an errand with mom, but told her we needed to go home. I was in a lot of pain. It was making me extremely nauseous and uncomfortable in my neck and arms. I went home, rested, and iced my neck the rest of the day. After another good night sleep, I did wake up on Monday feeling much better.
I knew all week I wanted to write a blog. A lot has been going on. I just didn't know how much or how little I wanted to write...and also don't have a computer at my house right now so needed to wait for some convenience.
Here I am...still unsure.
First, I can not believe it is 2015. Second, I can't believe my brainaversiary is in a little over a month. Third, despite this past weekend, I can't believe I have felt as good as I have. Fourth, how is football season almost over? Geesh.
I am thankful it is a new year. The last few months of 2014 were a little bizarre.
My sister no longer lives with my parents and is on her own. She is doing well, but not knowing her almost every move scares us all a bit. I need to give a shout out to my extremely strong, caring, loving, strong, tireless, understanding, patient, and have I mentioned STRONG? parents who have put out every effort and given every opportunity to all three of us. I am so glad we are all at a place now where we are understanding of our situations and although we don't agree with each other's every decision, we have accepted it and moved towards a caring and loving relationship between us all. I am thankful for my family.
Totally switching gears I have not had a roommate since the end of November. Coincidentally, I feel the complete opposite way about not having one as I did about a year ago. I do love having my own space. I like not folding my blanket on the couch each day. I like waiting a week before getting my mail. I like walking to get a glass of water in my underwear or towel. I like binge watching whatever the heck I want as many times as I want. I like watching RedZone all day Sunday and turning on the Pens game. I like going to bed at 8 o'clock with no judgement. But, I also liked that extra money. Luckily for my health, it is not stressing me out as much as it was a year ago. I am just spreading the word that I am looking for someone to live with me...preferably someone that doesn't mind my unfolded blankets, getting belated birthday cards, seeing me in underwear or a towel, binge watching reruns of Friends, watching me cheer for Pittsburgh teams, and respects early bedtimes. Really, I am not asking a lot...right? ;) And as my friend Court says, you will get to live with the most beautiful, funny and sarcastic girl out there. Just a bonus.
This week was weird. I am scared. I didn't even know I was scared.
Since my Chiari surgery, I have sworn off roller coasters as much as I do enjoy them. Noway am I risking that whiplash trigger of a headache!
This week, I was invited to go on a ski trip in a few weeks. I have been back and forth all week on what makes sense. I kept telling my cousin and myself that noway, I don't have a roommate, I can't afford that right now. The more I talked about it with my family and analyzed it, I do have the money. I budgeted for stuff like this.
I am scared out of my mind of going snowboarding. I have always enjoyed the sport. I have been many times -- pre-surgery. This will be my cow-heart's first time on a board, on a mountain, on a ski lift. You would think, "Oh Amy, the atmospheric pressure won't bother you that much". Or, "Just take it easy, do the bunny hills." Unfortunately, neither of those are my biggest fears. Those dang ski lifts.
When I was twelve years old I was hit in the head with a ski lift. As I was getting on, the girl next to me fell over causing me to also. The man working the lift was yelling out, "Watch your head!" I could not hear him, turned around, and BANG! hit me right in the forehead.
That was the start of my headaches. I was diagnosed a few weeks later with what they called cluster headaches. Except now, all these years later, I have come to understand that that was the day my Chiari was triggered. Do I want to go back to that?
Besides those mean moving chairs, I am also scared that I will fall on the mountain and quite possibly trigger a headache. I do know that my cousin will be with me, take care of me, and be understanding if I am feeling down. But, is that fair to her?
I do not like this.
I do not like that I made the excuse of money to mask the fear of going.
I do not like that I almost let the fear keep me from going.
I do not want to be that cow-heart girl!
(as I wrote that part I thought of the quote in The Help that says, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important." --- which I don't really need to repeat to myself, I already know that stuff. Confidence, not a problem of mine ;) )
On a positive note, I do like that my mom and cousin have the patience to talk me through this fear. I do like that I am going to power through and go. I do like that there are shops at the bottom of the mountain, that the hotel is very close, and most of all, the bar and fireplace are just at the bottom. I know I will be okay. I know I will not miss out on an opportunity to spend time with my cousin, meet new people, and do something new. Thanks Mama and Pal for dealing with me.
With no fear, I signed up for my first 5k. The incentives made it worth it. Just kidding, kind of. One of my friends asked me if I would be interested in doing the Phillies 5k. At first I was thinking of a bajillion excuses why I wouldn't, but the more I thought about it, why the heck not. Free tickets to two games, a shirt, and most importantly A GOLD MEDAL!? I will feel like a true winner! Also, two years ago, HECK NO! There is not a chance I would have agreed. This is something I will feel like is an accomplishment. I am not a good runner, I hate to exercise. However, I can...and I will.
AHHHH.
That was a complete ramble post and I apologize.
Before I end it, I do want to say that I love my family. I love my cousins. I love my friends. I love my job. I love that my coworkers are some of my best friends. I love kids. I love that I get to play with them all day. I love my house. I love my bed. I love sports. I love driving. I love country music. I love watching TV. I love a cold beer. I love airplanes. I love the beach. I love pickles and chips. I whole-heartedly, truly, deeply, genuinely LOVE life.
I saw this quote this morning that made me laugh, even though it's not really funny.
"Never apologize for being sensitive or emotional. Let this be a sign that you've got a big heart and aren't afraid to let others see it. Showing your emotions is a sign of strength."
My family, my friends and my coworkers will probably all giggle because they know, and I can say with complete confidence, that I wear my emotions on my sleeves. I believe in honesty and showing my feelings always. If I love something, you know it. If I don't, you know it. If I find something funny, entertaining or sweet you know it. If I am sad, frustrated or mad, you know it. This quote made me realize how okay that is. I do have a big heart. It is ALWAYS full of emotions...usually mixed ones. But, above all else. I am strong. It is because of my support system. I love my life because of all of the people in it and a good part because of my cow heart.
So, in all, after all that rambling, thank you to all of my peeps.
