Believe.

Here I am.  I can't believe it has been almost a whole month since I have blogged.  I guess it is a good thing, however I sat down today and thought about how much I miss doing it. 

How is it almost the middle of June already?  How am I a little over 15 weeks post op?  How does school only have 10 days left?  How do I not have a headache right now?

Okay, the last question is a slight lie.  I have a wee-baby headache right now.  I have had it all weekend.  Good news...it isn't a Chiari-like headache.  I don't think.  It is more of a tension-feeling headache over my eyes and seemingly in my sinuses.  At least that is what I am telling myself. 

More good news..I have been taking WAY less Tylenol in the last few weeks.  I have done the trade off from Tylenol to Advil, however there are days that I find Tylenol seems to help more.  I still find that I want/need to ice my head after school many days.  There is a lot of nerve pain still causing me discomfort from day to day and while I am sleeping.  My scalp is incredibly itchy on and around the incision.  Hair is also growing back all around the scar.  With these "issues", I need to stress that none of this pain is debilitating or affecting my daily living.  I am functioning.  Completely. 

I have been back to work for over a month now and have not missed a single day.  I prepared my students for their Portfolio Night, showing off all of their hard work from the year.  I have dealt with my sister being home on two different occasions, which as I have mentioned before many times, is always bittersweet.  I have gone to the shore and been on the beach for many hours.  I have read many books.  I have gone for bike rides, walks, and attempted runs.  (I say attempted runs because I find that the motion of running or jumping throws off my equilibrium some.  For those of you that don't know me, not running is no real surprise.  I am just happy to still have an excuse as to why I am not doing it all the time.)  I have driven to work each day, to the city once, and parallel parked.  I have helped my dad remove my old mattress and bring in a new mattress and together we took a grill off his truck.  I have gone out with friends and attempted my killer dance moves. (Again, I have to say attempted considering one of my go-to moves is the running man...a combination of running and jumping, which I explained earlier is still difficult for me.) 

I still don't like driving by myself, or really, crossing the street, due to the back and forth motion of my neck.  I still don't like looking up for more than a few seconds at a time.  I still don't like looking down for more than a few seconds at a time.  I still don't like sneezing.  I still don't like any sudden movement of my head or neck.  And, I still don't love showering, but again, that is no surprise since I hated that before my surgery also.

Although I continue to have some pain and an occasional "down" day, I could not be happier that I had my decompression surgery.  I can't even begin to express how blessed I feel that I had the most incredible doctors, family and friends to get me through this time.  I can't believe that, well...it's over. 

I remember sitting down to write my first blog post.  I was scared out of my mind.  I was staying optimistic, as I have continued to do throughout the entire journey, but I was...for lack of a better word, freaking out.  I know I had the occasional negative post, but I did what I could to practice what I was preaching and stay positive.  

I believed I had the best doctor around, I did.  I believed I wouldn't wake up during the surgery, I didn't.  I believed the nurses at the hospital would make me feel comfortable, they did.  I believed not a lot of my hair would be shaved, it wasn't.  I believed I would hate the catheter, I did.  I believed the hospital would have good food, it did.  I believed my parents would take care of me during my first few weeks of recovery, they did.  I believed I would have lots of visitors and support, I did (more than I could have ever believed).  I believed I would know when I was well enough to go back to school, I did.  I believed the surgery would relieve my headaches, it did.  I believed I would regain strength in my hands, I did.  I believed I would regain feeling in my lips, hands, arms, and legs, I did.  I believed everything would be okay, and it was.  

Without that optimism, I don't know if I would have had the most successful recovery that I could ever imagine.  Never in my happiest projection scenarios, did I imagine the entire journey would be this...perfect.

Advice to those out there that are going through this process, or any surgery for that matter...Believe.  Believe in your strength, your faith, your health, your family relationships, your friends, your prayers, your God.  Believe in yourself.