What Would Carrie Bradshaw Do?

Here I am!  When I started this blog, I was inspired to write daily.  The past two weeks, my mom, cousins, and friends, have all asked me why I haven't blogged at all.  My answer, "My life is boring!  I have nothing to write about now!"  As a writer now ;), I find myself admiring Carrie Bradshaw when I watch Sex in the City.  She has to constantly find inspiration to write her columns, by going out with friends, meeting men, eating, etc.  

Now, I am still stuck at the shore (1 more day!) without friends, and we all know how I am with meeting guys, so, as I sit here, with a full cup of coffee, Luke Bryan Pandora playing and looking out at the bright sunshine, I decided THIS is my inspiration today.  I can definitely come up with somethings to tell you about the past two weeks. 

Let's start with my pain...or in all honesty, pretty much lack there of.  I am amazed at how much I am able to do just 7 weeks out of brain surgery.  I am able to sleep more hours in a night without waking up to take Tylenol.  I can shower myself and brush my hair.  I have been taking longer walks with mom and biked many times.  I carried a new rug into the new house yesterday (in my right hand).  I drove a short distance.  I even had a beer!

That being said, my incision itself is extremely itchy.  Around the incision is still very red and raw.  All of the glue (the dark brown gross stuff) has come off, leaving what now looks like a very clean scar.  It always makes me laugh when I show people and they tell me what it looks like.  I think it is ironic that it is on my body, yet I NEVER see it, unless I ask someone to take a picture for me. 

I do feel it.  Everyday, all day.  I get frustrated with myself when trying to find the words to describe the sensation that I feel from it.  It is very tight, has a lot of pressure around it, itchy, irritated, and tingly.  When I say that I feel it everyday, all day, I don't feel all of those sensations at once, but it is like they take turns coming throughout the day.  With Tylenol and an ice-pack, I am able to easily manage the pain. 

Enough so, that I plan to go back to work on May 1st!  I can't even begin to describe the excitement and happiness inside of me as it gets closer.  I went to my school's Art Show this week and ran into many of my students and their parents.  Each time I heard them say they missed me and every hug I felt, reminded me how easy of a transition back into the classroom this will be.  I love my job.  I love routine.  I love having things to look forward to.  I love surprises.  The students in my class, provide me with a routine daily, I look forward to their smiling faces (almost) every day, and they are six and seven, they EASILY surprise me all the time.  So, if all I need to do to get back to work is bring a little Tylenol and throw an ice-pack into the faculty room freezer just in case, consider it done.  I CAN'T WAIT.

As I mentioned above, we have one last day at the shore before we move into the new house!  For being 25, I have been to one too many settlements in the last month.  We did FINALLY settle on the new house on Thursday of this week.  My uncle's company laid floors (which look beautiful) on Friday.  The moving truck comes on Monday!  I am now very excited to get back to a routine at home and to see how everything comes together.  Yesterday, Mom, Dad and I did A LOT of shopping.  A LOT.  They were tired, you can only imagine how I felt.  We bought blinds, house numbers to put on the mailbox, rugs, and the dreaded lights and ceiling fans.  I say dreaded for one reason and one reason only.  To buy lights and ceiling fans, you need to look UP.  My head, neck, and brain, do not like the motion of looking UP yet.  This, I learned quickly yesterday.  We did finally pick everything out and found a mirror for my bedroom.  It was a tiring, yet successful day and really made me SO ready to move in officially. 

As if moving into a brand new house and still recovering from brain surgery isn't enough, this week is going to get a little more hectic.  My sister is coming home from Florida for 24 hours on Tuesday.  She has some things to take care of here.  I would be lying if I didn't say I fear this stay and am very anxious about it, as I am sure she is too.  One, we are in a brand new house.  Two, I personally haven't seen her in over six months.  Three, she and I both work a lot better with structure and routine and nothing about the next week with be routine or structured.  Four, it will be her first time back here since she started her recovery.  I am sure it will go okay and I am trying not to project, but a few extra prayers that it is a smooth trip for her and my family would be appreciated.

In light of the tragedies this week, I found it very difficult to handle my emotions.  I had a "sad" day on Tuesday.  I was feeling very overwhelmed, tired, and mentally exhausted.  I wasn't able to put into words what it was that was making me feel that way.  I am a dreamer.  Not like a Martin Luther King, Jr. dreamer, more like a "Why am I running from dinosaurs?" kind of dreamer.  Since 9/11 I have dreampt of terrorists more times than I can count.  This past week I, understandably, have dreampt of many different scenarios where many of my loved ones have passed away in attacks.  I don't feel that I fear these attacks while I am awake and living life day to day.  But, it seems that subconsciously, I do fear these things.  How can you not?  Look at this past week in history.  It is a scary world we live in. 

With that though, as Mr. Rogers said, look at all of the helpers in these situations.  It amazes me.  My mom and I have said about thirty times this week, "Thank goodness we have so many brave people that live in this country." 

I like to think of myself as a brave person.  I ride rollar coasters.  I love motorcycles.  I swim in the ocean.  I would be up to sky-diving one day.  Heck, I just had brain surgery. 

But, I can not imagine being a doctor, nurse, first responder, solider, police officer, a runner, or even a spectator in the last week. I don't know how the doctors and nurses carefully took care of countless patients throughout the week.  I don't know if I could have calmly been a first responder with the unknown.  I don't know how the officers opened trashcans, looked in bushes, and lastly, boats unsure of what could be hidden in them.   I don't know if I could have run to hospitals to give blood after just running 26 miles, and I KNOW I couldn't run 26 miles.  I don't know how the selfless spectators didn't all run for their own lives, and instead helped the wounded and harmed. 

Watching the coverage of the aftermath of the tragedy, makes me truly proud to live in a brave, prepared country like America.  I know people say that you never know how you will react in the face of danger.  I hope and pray that God would give me the strength that He gave all of those people in the last week. 

My dreams have subsided since Friday night, I could sleep more peacefully, thanks to support, help and selfless work by endless citizens.  I know I mentioned a dreamer like Martin Luther King, Jr. earlier.  What I wish is, that I was a more brave, dreamer and believer like he was.  This week, all of the responders to this tragedy were brave believers.  We are a country that stands for what we believe in.  This past week, we, as a country, believed in justice.  Thanks to those that fight for our country, we found it. 

Overall, this week, life was put into perspective for me.  For that, I am thankful.  God Bless America!