What If... :)

Today I became so inspired to once again bring my positivity to this blog. 

Between my blog writing last night and my productive day today, I have read a bajillion articles, comments, blogs, and facebook posts about Chiari. 

I read about: complications people had post surgery, excruciating pain people had immediately after, the ongoing symptoms that didn't disappear, new symptoms that did appear, the negative doctors who had attitude, the lack of support from hospital staff, not being able to sleep comfortably, having to get second and third surgeries, and about how having surgery was one big mistake. 

Needless to say, my mind was suddenly swamped with "what ifs" and I began to panic!  What if I have internal bleeding?  What if I still have a headache?  What if my scar hurts?  What if I still have to walk the Woody Shuffle?  What if I can't sleep on my favorite giraffe pillow?  What if I can't go back to work?  What if my doctor just puts on a good show and really he is going to be mean?  What if that cute doctor I am hopeful for, never shows? 

Anyway, after dwelling on these "what ifs" throughout the night and still part of this morning...I changed my mind.  I decided, instead of continuing to read the negativity and continuing to ask all these darn "what ifs", I am going to do the complete opposite. 

This blog is now devoted to the positive things that come from my Chiari.  Now that is not to say that occasionally I may post about a fear or something that is bothering me, but with all that I can, I will make this a happy place. 

I hope to be able to post about how awesome my doctor was. I want to talk about my cool scar that rarely hurts.  I want to talk about how I am going out to lunch with friends because I feel good.  I want to talk about how awesome all of my friends and family were during my recovery.  I want to talk about all the great TV shows and movies I saw and books I read.  I want to write about all the exciting ideas I have for when I go back to school. 

Now, all this positivity may be a "moo point" (you know a cow's opinion ... moo - shout out to Joey Tribbiani) if something does go wrong, but for the time being... I refuse to think that way.  We will just play it by ear/year (I never know the right word here, and it is an ongoing joke in our family as to why I continue to try to use these phrases when I never remember how.) 

So now ... here are my new "what if" questions for tonight. 

What if my doctor only shaves a little part of my hair and it grows really fast?  What if I love the nurses that are helping me?  What if I don't feel nauseous after the surgery?  What if I can brush my hair just fine?  What if my giraffe pillow is my favorite during recovery?  What if I find a great new series on TV?  What if I get back to work sooner than I ever expected?  What if that cute doctor comes in and thinks my Baby Spice pigtails are cute? 

What if my decompression surgery is the best thing that ever happens to me...